Tweedle D's Top Ten List #4: Oddest Movie Couples

10. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman ("Eyes Wide Shut")

I know these two were actually a real couple, but in looking at Tom now and Nicole now, it's really hard for me to believe they were ever together, even in a movie. Nicole is just so elegant and almost creepily ethereal, while Tom is just, um, insane. Weird movie, too, I've heard.

9. Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy ("Before Sunset")

This is strange to me solely for the reason that Ethan was married to Uma Thurman seven years and Delpy is French. I don't know why. It struck me as weird. Feel free to disagree aggressively.

8. Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones ("The Terminal")

He's the every man. She's the world's mos exotic-looking Welsh. Pair them up in a movie where Tom has an accent from a nonexistent Eastern European country and you've got a movie set in an airport. Rock it out.

7. Cate Blanchett and Matt Damon ("The Talented Mr. Ripley")

Ok, Cate is one my favorite actresses. She is the epitome of the word "regal," she played Queen Elizabeth I twice for cryin' out loud. Damon? Damon runs around and shoots people.

6. Amanda Peet and Jack Nicholson ("Something's Gotta Give")

She's young. He's old. She's been in an Ashton Kutcher movie. He was in "The Shining." She always has her hair back. He never takes off his sunglasses. *SPOILER!!!!!* I think the casting directors chose to put these two polar opposites together so in the movie it would be believable for Jack to end up with Diane Keaton.

5. Ricky Gervais and Tea Leoni ("Ghost Town")

Ricky linked with anyone romantically is just weird.

4. Ellen Degeneres and Sharon Stone ("If These Walls Could Talk 2")

Ah yes, a lesbian movie. I like Ellen Degeneres, so I don't like the idea of her being paired up with that harpy Sharon. After doing"Basic Instinct" and "Basic Instinct 2," Sharon just needs to disappear for a while whilst I wash my brain.

3. Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O'Donnell ("Exit to Eden")

The two least sexually-attractive actors in a movie together. Save us.

2. Kate Winslet and Jack Black ("The Holiday")

This would NEVER, EVER happen in real life. Kate is quite possibly the most beautiful woman on earth and Jack Black is JACK BLACK. COME ON!

1. Selma Hayek and Adam Sandler ("Grown-Ups")

This movie hasn't even come out, but I took one look at the trailer, and nearly fainted. I refuse to watch a movie in which the directors try to convince us that in any universe spicy Selma would marry Adam, a man who has built his career on talking like a stupid teddy bear.

Random Number: 13,000,000

Race car champion Fernando Alonso's thumbs were insured for 13 million dollars (10 million euros) on Monday before a race. They are considered a "symbol" of success.

Full Story:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100426/od_nm/us_alonso_thumbs;_ylt=Avwn62.MhFGN7iG8EPIfjVPtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJscGozYmdmBGFzc2V0A25tLzIwMTAwNDI2L3VzX2Fsb25zb190aHVtYnMEcG9zAzcEc2VjA3luX2FydGljbGVfc3VtbWFyeV9saXN0BHNsawNmdWxsbmJzcHN0b3I-

Tweedle D's Top Ten List #3: Worst Song Lyrics

10. John Mayer's "Your Body is a Wonderland"

I know a lot of people like this song, but it wants to make me run and hide. These lyrics aren't so much "bad" as just incredibly, incredibly creepy. "Bubblegum tongue?" Endless references to "sea of blankets" and"pillows?" AHHHH!!!!!

9. A Fine Frenzy's "Ashes and Wine"

This is a very pretty song, but if you really listen to the lyrics, you discover you have no idea what the title means. Ok, something to do with a break-up I assume, but why are "we" like "ashes and wine?" We are the burned remains of something and...we make people dizzy?? Huh?

8. Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry"

For the woman who set her "Fergalicious" video in a candy factory, this is an awfully pretentious-sounding song. "I need to be with myself in center, clarity, peace, serenity?" Wow, big words for you, but I guess we knew you were a good speller, you could spell "tasty" and "delicious." Also, you miss this gentleman like "a children misses their blanket?" Just awful.

7. Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher"

A classic example of the just the purely insane lyrics of good ol' hair bands: Oh man, I think the clock is slow

(What are you doin' this weekend?) I don't feel tardy/Class dismissed!/Ooh-yeah!I've got it bad, Got it bad, Got it bad, I'm hot for teacher!

6. KC and the Sunshine Band's "That's the Way I Like It"

I'm sorry, but this is an incredibly dumb song. This is literally the entire song: Oh, that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh. That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh,I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

5. Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday"

I know that songs should have a certain degree of honesty, but these lyrics sound like the rationale of a fourteen-year old girl, and I don't especially want to hear that: "But I'm gonna keep your jeans/And your old black hat, 'cause I wanna/They look good on me/You're never gonna get them back." Um, ok. Keep your guy jeans and hat, I don't think he cares, Hilz.

4. Hanson's "MMMBop"

Ah, Hanson. The original Jonas Brothers, only not as successful. I think it was the hair. They definitely have an obsession with hair, as evidenced in the lyrics: "In an mmm bop they're gone. In an mmm bop they're not there. In an mmm bop they're gone. In an mmm bop they're not there. Until you lose your hair. But you don't care." What degree of time is an "mmm bop" anyway? About the length of time you boys were popular, perhaps?

3. Captain and Tenille's "Muskrat Love"

Weirdest. Song. Ever. Something about muskrats falling in love and shimmying, and one of them, who goes by the name of Sam, is so skinny? Sounds like these were lyrics influenced by the reefer, man, but I dunno. Maybe they were just crazy.

2. The Black-Eyed Peas' "My Humps"

Wow, Fergie got on here twice, what an honor for her. This song is the exact opposite of "Big Girls Don't Cry," while the latter was pretentious, this is overtly sexual and just generally in your-face-not-classy. She's gonna "get you drunk, get you love drunk" off her "hump." Goodie.

1. Any song by Ke$ha

All of them, in our own dear girl's words, are just "blah blah blah blah blah" and so on.

Babies!

Awesome picture

See more at:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32795587/ns/today-parenting_and_family/displaymode/1247/?beginSlide=1&GT1=43001

Twilight on "Challenged Book" List. But why?

MSN tells me that the Twilight books are some of the most often challenged books. Reasons: sexual content, the blood-drinking thing etc. How about the fact they are just, um, terrible? How about the fact that Meyers can't seem to put an intelligent sentence together? Or the fact that she finds maybe three unimaginative metaphors concerning her characters and then just endlessly recycles them? (ex: apparently the only wildly creative thing about Edward is that his skin is "like ice".... wow, Stephanie, let's try to find a MORE obviously cold thing on the planet)

20 Unsexiest Beautiful People

Ok, this is pushing the shallowness barrier even for us, but the article's description of Orlando Bloom definitely requires a post:

11) Orlando Bloom
If Orlando Bloom had left acting after Lord of the Rings, he wouldn't be on this list. But few could have predicted the bomb that would soon drop on poor, simple Orlando. Here's a tip: when signing on as a romantic lead, make sure that your co-star doesn't out-sexy you while playing an STD-riddled criminal. Pirates of the Caribbean found Bloom totally overshadowed by Johnny Depp's allure, and he didn't help his own case by playing Will Turner as the most milquetoast pirate in history. Once he appeared in the unwatchable (and boring)Elizabethtown and the unwatchable (and offensively stupid) Troy, whatever spark he'd had in Middle-Earth had gone the way of elfenkind

Full Article:

http://www.nerve.com/dispatches/nerveeditors/20-unsexiest-beautiful-people/index.asp?page=1

Rep. Hank Johnson's Guam

This is the sort of verbal connect-the-dots-gone-wrong that Donald Rumsfeld would be proud of. His quote below:

"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."

But on to the business at hand. Rep. Hank Johnson of Georgia. I am amazed that during his lengthy estimate of the dimensions of Guam that no one shrieked, "AND YOUR POINT?!?!?!?!?" That would be have been me. If I was there. But sadly I was not.

So Johnson claims that he was being "metaphorical." Does that mean sarcastic? Because if so, I suggest you take some lessons in sarcasm, because THAT my friend, was NOT sarcasm. That just sounded insane. Next time you want to make a point, just make a point. Don't try to amble about the proverbial bush asking strange questions. Doesn't work.

Random Number: 1.4

1.4 out of 10 is the number that the 7 lowest-rated movies on IMDB.com all share. It's amusing to me that I've actually seen two of them, albeit with riffing provided by the magnificence that is Mystery Science Theater 3000, a cult tv show that is built on making fun of terrible movies.

Inappropriate!

The third news headline:

Tweedle D's Top Ten List #2: Lamest Tattoos

*Definition: Lame (noun) Meaning pointless

or poorly-drawn; laughable

10. 

Alright, this is not the worst of tattoos, it has a message of sorts, however inane. But on your shins? Really? And it should be "it's," as in, "It is time to party." Ridiculous.

9.

This is drawn rather nicely, but it's completely pointless. Is it inked in memory of your favorite arm chair, pal? Your dream arm chair? What is going on?!

8.

Again, not a terrible ink job, but why would you EVER, EVER get this done?

7.

This is just sad. So very, very sad. It looks like a middle schooler drew it in sharpie marker.

6.

The coloring is nice, but I wonder if it's healthy to love Tetris quite this much.

5.

LEARN TO SPELL! Or are we supposed to linger on the "mmmm," sound in summer, as if we savored it. And nothing captures the sweetness of summer like a lopsided anchor.

4.

So awsome, man. Who needs that 'E'? I'm awsome without it.

3.

Horrible. Why is the 8 practically hidden? And those wings, they wouldn't carry Tweety bird. Sickening.

2.

This just confuses me. "Hey, man, what's that?" "It's a chair!" "...Yeah. Yeah, it is."

1.

The ugliest tattoo I have ever seen. Everything is wrong with it. It just...it hurts my soul.

Happy Easter

On account of this weekend being Easter weekend, we will be taking a break, but will be back on Tuesday.

John 3:16-17 (New International Version)

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

*sigh*

Many of you may be aware of Miley Cyrus' latest attempt at acting, starring Greg Kinnear (very disappointed) and Liam Hemsworth (for the sake of kindness I will not comment on Ms. Cyrus' co-star and current boyfriend). Deliciously sardonic New York Times movie-reviewer A. O. Scott wrote a hilarious and biting review of the film that has, over the past two hours, become very near and dear to me. Well played, Mr. Scott, well played. Here is one of my favorite quotes and I will post the link below so that you may revel in the full glory of this well-deserved criticism:

"So much more trouble ensues that “The Last Song,” if not for its sluggish pacing and soft lighting, might turn into farce. In addition to the terminal illness (signaled by a telltale cough around the movie’s midpoint), there is a church fire that Ronnie’s dad is believed to have started, a wayward friend with a bad boyfriend, another friend with a dead brother, a nest of sea turtle eggs menaced by a raccoon, and a romance — did I mention it was star-crossed? — with a hunky beach volleyball player named Will. That’s Mr. Hemsworth, a star graduate of the Taylor Lautner Academy of Shirtless Emoting." A. O. Scott, New York Times (04/01/10)

http://movies.nytimes.com/2010/03/31/movies/31last.html?ref=movies

Inappropriate!

• 4 women on a quest to be hot
• Can sexy get even sexier?
• Look good in a bathing suit
• Will she be a skinny bride?
• Her plan to lose weight

And this is right next to the "Local News" tab, which announces several gunshot and stabbing murders. Just when you think life can't get any weirder or more inappropriate.

He he he....

Random Number: 132

132 dollars. Not 132,000 or 132,000,000. 132 dollars. That's about half a Kindle. That's how much Uma Thurman's movie "Motherhood" made in the U.K. it's opening weekend. I'm not a fan of Uma, but I guess people must reeeeeeeeeally not like her in England.

Tweedle D's Top Ten List #1: Facebook Pages

This Month's Top Ten: Facebook Fan Pages Whose Purpose Escapes Me

10. "Alfred (Batman's butler) is a Superhero"

This one isn't so much pathetic as just "huh?" worthy. It just baffles me. I...I...I don't know how I should react. Just...why?

9. "vampires are awesem"

These are the exact fan page titles, punctation, capital letters, spelling...all of it. I did not make this up. I won't question the merit of vampires, that is a battle I will not endeavor to take on at this time, but I will address the chosen spelling of the word "awesome." Really? Is it that hard of a word? I just...I just don't understand.

8. "You Must be Fire Cos You Are HOT!!!!"

Quite possibly the least clever pick-up line EVER.

7. "when girls THINK they are cute cuz they act dumb. but they are NOT."

I vote that we put an addition to this fan page that reads: "Unlike US. who are smart. and KNOW it."

6. "why do people make weird faces when they drink coffee?"

.....do people make weird faces? I hadn't noticed.

5. "I wonder what cartoon characters are doing in between episodes?"

They're probably hanging out in their studio trailers making weird faces when they drink their coffee.

4. "Not being eaten by sloths."

Ah yes, the classic "not being eaten" line of Facebook fan pages. I do agree with it though, I am definitely a fan of not being eaten by sloths.

3. "Not being eaten by the giant flying spaghetti monster."

Again, also a fan of this, but unofficially, of course.

2. *#blOking sOcial inTernet siteS in xul is so not cOOL#*."

So uncool. Then there's nothing else to do but learn that symbols do not begin and end sentences, and it's not ok to capitalize at will and school is not spelled "xul." It's time to end this captivity of free speech!

And, finally, number uno:

1. Is it a bird? is it a plane? No! It's SUPER HITLER!"

Wow. I..hmm...it's offensive, makes no sense, and destroys one of my favorite Superhero lines of all time all at once. Bravo.

*Note: If you are a creator or fan of any of these fan pages, please understand I mean no offense to you or any of your beliefs as reflected in your facebook fan pages

The Christening

BOO!

Now that we have your attention...hello and welcome! This is E&E's Cornucopia of Higgledy-Piggledly, where anything and everything is considered fodder for open criticism or unwarranted praise. Stop by and pick out whatever juicy morsel catches your eye, be it a hilariously out-of-context quote from a variety of television programs, an amusing or inspiring photograph, a ripe, random news story, a Youtube link, a musical analysis, or whatever else we have found incredibly entertaining for that day. Let's begin by introducing ourselves:

Tweedle Dee:

Hi! I'm the female representative of our toothsome twosome! My assorted hobbies include squeezing animals, feeding fish, snickering to myself, shouting, and opening and closing cupboards. My favorite person is my taller brother Tweedle Deelier, who shares my morbid fascination with unrelated, useless trivia.

Tweedle Deelier:

Welcome to the ever-flowing fountain of unimportant, unrelated, unnecessary and altogether fantastic facts and most-likely-not-so-many figures. As was mentioned by my esteemed collaborator-in-randomness, Tweedle Dee, we are siblings who travel through space on the same mental wavelength. Whilst Tweedle Dee's "assorted hobbies" are quaint and a little crazy, mine have reached a level of maturity and development a galaxy or dozen away from my lovely sister's. I find solace in cooking delicious things, dancing awkwardly in inappropriate public forums, observing to the point of scrutiny, and getting my feet warm (an impossible task as of yet, but I refuse to give up). So, World, we fling wide the doors of oddity and disconnected thought and invite you to join us on this journey through life's most unexpected back-alleys.