Tweedle D's Top Ten List #3: Worst Song Lyrics

10. John Mayer's "Your Body is a Wonderland"

I know a lot of people like this song, but it wants to make me run and hide. These lyrics aren't so much "bad" as just incredibly, incredibly creepy. "Bubblegum tongue?" Endless references to "sea of blankets" and"pillows?" AHHHH!!!!!

9. A Fine Frenzy's "Ashes and Wine"

This is a very pretty song, but if you really listen to the lyrics, you discover you have no idea what the title means. Ok, something to do with a break-up I assume, but why are "we" like "ashes and wine?" We are the burned remains of something and...we make people dizzy?? Huh?

8. Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry"

For the woman who set her "Fergalicious" video in a candy factory, this is an awfully pretentious-sounding song. "I need to be with myself in center, clarity, peace, serenity?" Wow, big words for you, but I guess we knew you were a good speller, you could spell "tasty" and "delicious." Also, you miss this gentleman like "a children misses their blanket?" Just awful.

7. Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher"

A classic example of the just the purely insane lyrics of good ol' hair bands: Oh man, I think the clock is slow

(What are you doin' this weekend?) I don't feel tardy/Class dismissed!/Ooh-yeah!I've got it bad, Got it bad, Got it bad, I'm hot for teacher!

6. KC and the Sunshine Band's "That's the Way I Like It"

I'm sorry, but this is an incredibly dumb song. This is literally the entire song: Oh, that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh. That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh,I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

5. Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday"

I know that songs should have a certain degree of honesty, but these lyrics sound like the rationale of a fourteen-year old girl, and I don't especially want to hear that: "But I'm gonna keep your jeans/And your old black hat, 'cause I wanna/They look good on me/You're never gonna get them back." Um, ok. Keep your guy jeans and hat, I don't think he cares, Hilz.

4. Hanson's "MMMBop"

Ah, Hanson. The original Jonas Brothers, only not as successful. I think it was the hair. They definitely have an obsession with hair, as evidenced in the lyrics: "In an mmm bop they're gone. In an mmm bop they're not there. In an mmm bop they're gone. In an mmm bop they're not there. Until you lose your hair. But you don't care." What degree of time is an "mmm bop" anyway? About the length of time you boys were popular, perhaps?

3. Captain and Tenille's "Muskrat Love"

Weirdest. Song. Ever. Something about muskrats falling in love and shimmying, and one of them, who goes by the name of Sam, is so skinny? Sounds like these were lyrics influenced by the reefer, man, but I dunno. Maybe they were just crazy.

2. The Black-Eyed Peas' "My Humps"

Wow, Fergie got on here twice, what an honor for her. This song is the exact opposite of "Big Girls Don't Cry," while the latter was pretentious, this is overtly sexual and just generally in your-face-not-classy. She's gonna "get you drunk, get you love drunk" off her "hump." Goodie.

1. Any song by Ke$ha

All of them, in our own dear girl's words, are just "blah blah blah blah blah" and so on.